Creative Listening and Special Time.Based on the work and teaching of the late Rachael Pinney who also pioneered work on Reflective Listening and Learner Directed Learning.

Human communication naturally embraces aspects of spontaneous auditory reflection, recapping, recall and review

• The work of the late Rachel Pinney – Reflective Listening, Creative Listening and Special Time clearly presents the value of taking time out for free expression, free exploration and free play. We all need to experience special time and intimate moments of sharing and caring:-

Listening…………………(Association) Communication……..(Interaction) Compassion……………(Attitude)

If you want to listen to a person/child or you want a person/child to listen to you, try to be at the same level so that eye contact can be established in a gentle and natural manner. This also avoids an intimidating standing over position that may disturb the person/child’s confidence and thereby create a non-communicative disposition.

Be honest about your ability to listen properly. “I’m sorry I can’t listen properly right now, I will come and listen to you – as soon as I can/when I am not so busy”.

When offering a listening space try to be still, be open to giving and receiving eye contact and create an authentic commitment of time, body and feelings.

When a person/child presents auditory communication PAUSE and take time to evaluate the degree of listening required for the response that is needed.  Sometimes a momentary mmmmmm or aha or a single word response is sufficient.

Sometimes a moment of sweet eye contact or a brief moment of heartful caring physical contact is more important than verbal responses and reassurance.

Reflect back to the person/child what you think they have said.  This gives the listener an opportunity to confidently interpret what has been said and the speaker has the chance to subsequently qualify any misunderstandings.  This reflective response to listening also gives the person/child time to consider what s/he has said from his own perspective of personal reasons, requests and responses.

Reflect and recap in a non-judgmental way when one or more persons/children have come to present their own views on a disagreement.

Never underestimate the depth of a person or child’s feelings, or the amount of courage and effort associated with their communication. When a dialogue of Reflective Listening is successfully presented, inevitably the persons/children can resolve the problems themselves. Reflection gives everyone time to assess their situation and their feelings more clearly.

Listening is hard work, because, the listener needs to on-goingly assess his/her inner feelings and uncomfortable issues the person/child’s communication is bringing up during a time of listening.

Furthermore, adults need to reflect on their own behaviour and apologise when their own emotional issues have disrupted communication and listening skills.

In situations where the responsible adult cannot allow the person/child to do what s/he wants to do, firm boundaries can be presented from a compassionate place of listening and communication. For example, the adult can simply say, “I’m sorry I can’t let you do that.” This illustrates that the adult has thought about what the person/child wants to do and having acknowledged their wishes communicates the responsible adult’s perspective as regrettable but necessary.  Hasty and/or intense attempts to control adverse behaviour are often seen as a lack of understanding. Then the person/child may become frustrated because s/he believes they have not been heard.  It is important the responsible adult communicates that in the present situation s/he is not able to accommodate certain identified desires and activities.

Negative and disruptive feelings within the adult are more frightening for the person/child when they are not openly acknowledged, than when they are openly acknowledged. For example, “I feel very angry that you scribbled on your bedroom wall; I feel very angry that you did not listen when I told you not to do it.” These honest comments can help the person/child realise that your anger is to do with the behaviour rather than the person/child as such or in person.

Ponderings and perceptions, authenticity and understanding, – foundations for relationships

Special time
No I’m not really copying you –
I wonder if it feels that way?
No I’m not judging you –
I do wonder how you are doing.
No I’m not trying to secretly steal your fun –
I would like to continue sharing.
Yes, I have got my eyes focused on you!
My watching is free from a desire to control
My following is without an agenda
This silence is unconditional
Because I believe you are especially wonderful,
And I love sharing ‘special time’ with you.

Creative Listening and Special Time:Ponderings and perceptions, authenticity and understanding, – foundations for relationships [The following notes are based on the work and teaching of the late Rachael Pinney who pioneered Reflective Listening and Learner Directed Learning as foundations for herSpecial Time play therapy. This inspiring work goes into a depth beyond our everyday sharing and caring so that relationships can develop a new level of trust and appreciation.]

The work of the late Rachel Pinney clearly presents the value of taking time out for free expression, free exploration and free play. We all need to experience special time and intimate moments of sharing and caring. She suggests that ‘to be heard and appreciated is essential to a child’s growth.’ She describes the adult skills related to ‘special times for listening to children’ as listening and recapping/reflection. ‘To receive absolute attention from the adult develops the power of concentration in the child’ (Pinney,1992:3)

‘Listening is a principal source of learning throughout life……  The need for developing listening skills may in part be illustrated by personal reflection….. ‘(Bernard1965:157)

Useful moments of creative listening and Special Time can be established upon waking and before bed. A few words or phrases at these times can initiate acknowledgement, contemplation and healing for emotions that would otherwise get filed in an uncharted place, beyond our everyday concerns and everyday living.

‘Listening is a principal source of learning throughout life……  The need for developing listening skills may in part be illustrated by personal reflection….. (Bernard1965:157)

Vygotsky proposed that ‘specifically human forms of psychological communication are possible because man’s reflection of reality is carried out in generalized concepts’ Vygotsky also describes how, when faced with a task that challenges them, children will often engage in a verbal conversation with themselves. (Cited in Hartland,1991:27; Vygotsky,1986:8&30) Reflective responses can support and encourage:-

• Awareness and focused attention
• Enhanced association of knowledge
• Ability to evaluate sensory information
• Development of thinking and hypothesis
• Assessment of determining factors and appropriate redirection
• Long and Short-term memory
• Non pressurised self-directed learning