Special Time

A special relationship……

The foundations are made of love and respect.
The walls are made of trust.
The rooms are filled with blissful harmony
And furniture of truth.
The roof is of enlightenment
And the sunlight shines straight through.
The garden is one of peaceful growth
And rainbow colours of every hue.

Unconditional love is present when we feel completely positive within the process of giving, such that anyone’s negative responses of resistance are perceived from a positive loving perspective. This is the essence of the success in Special Time. Special Time is a loving willingness to be with someone without any personal agenda of any kind. Only under these circumstances can another person have a positive healing influence on someone else’s negative energy patterns.

Every adversity is initiated by the belief that ‘I cannot feel safe loving you because you don’t really love me! or ‘You don’t love me enough!’ This negative formula is self-fulfilling and will remain unresolved whilst one or both parties are unable to create a positive alternative for giving and receiving love. In many cases the only positive is to separate and be alone again. This action releases the tensions of negative forms of co-dependence and encourages both parties to note the good things that are missed and turn to a more spiritual path for inner happiness. Alone we are encouraged to find a way of relating positively within ourselves, and warmly embrace what life offers from a simple and positive perspective

Thus: Negative plus negative equals disturbance and disruption.

Positive plus negative equals a positive direction towards neutralisation of negatives.

Negative plus positive (love) equals positive

Positive plus positive equals Divine harmony and peace.

All unhappiness comes from negative origins that hold a dominant position somewhere in our conscious or subconscious state of being. If we want to clear the negative energy we have to find what positive influences are blocked by a negative energy and subsequent negative thoughts. Finding what gives the negative energy the ability to suppress our naturally positive disposition is often an essential part of this process. This form of self-enquiry can initiate an important area of learning that would otherwise have been missed. Again being with children and remembering our own positive childhood memories can help us to reconnect with our original positive disposition – created when the soul-spirit connects with the heart and brings life to our conception.

Clearing negative energy blocks may involve a connection with a healing energy that our conscious mind believes can and will clear the negative energy block. One way or another we inevitably initiate a request, with complete faith, that a divine energy from source transforms the negative energy into its natural positive form. The work of Dr. Bach who created the Bach Flower essences clearly describes how a person’s inborn disposition can be expressed in a negative or a positive form. Each Bach flower remedy is noted for the negative aspects that it can transform into positive a disposition. For example: Chestnut is noted as a remedy for failure to learn from past mistakes and when taken it is noted for bringing about a positive ability to gain knowledge and positive learning experience. [Dictionary of the Bach Flower Remedies –Positive and negative aspects by T.W.Hyne Jones]

If everyone had Dr Bach’s understanding we all may accept our faults without judgement, in the knowledge that they are only the prickly outer casing that over protectively withholds our best qualities. As confident is gained a safer place is found in which we can flourish and find our true potential.

Special Time

Moments of heart-full soul spirit sharing
Trusting and appreciating the other persons chosen actions and interactions.
Gentle moment by moment responses of genuine care and authenticity.
Taking time out to explore, feel, reflect and listen without any judgement and free from any preconceived agenda.
Nurturing our emotional disposition rather than goals or levels of achievement.
Resting our physical body from worldly demands and practical work.

Now the door is open
Heaven is here to stay.
No more thinking – worrying
Plenty of space to play.
Laughing, crying, being,
Dancing, eating, singing.
Our dreams are unfolding
Our peace ever deepening
Hearts warmly opening.
I celebrate your journey
and the love that brings us together

Adults need to apologise when their own issues have disrupted communication and listening skills. E.g. Be honest about your ability to listen properly. “I’m sorry I can’t listen properly right now, I will come and listen to you – as soon as I can”.
In situations where the responsible adult cannot allow the person/child to do what s/he wants to do, firm boundaries can be presented from a compassionate place of listening and communication. For example, the adult can simply say, “I’m sorry I can’t let you do that.” This illustrates that the adult has thought about what the person/child wants to do and having acknowledged their wishes communicates the responsible adult’s perspective as regrettable but necessary. Hasty and/or intense attempts to control adverse behaviour are often seen as a lack of understanding. Then the person/child may become frustrated because s/he believes they have not been
Avoid all forms of praise because this style of positive feedback is a personal judgement and the recipient will feel vulnerable to the issue of being judged. Even when they have pleased you they are working with how you are feeling about their behaviour and when the praise stops the person/child will consider the risk that you may be displeased. Even positive judgements illustrate that you are projecting your feelings onto their behaviour and this emphasises the risk of negative judgements and feelings and the risk of social emotional entanglement. The aim of giving Special Time is to allow the other person a space to express their feelings and engage in behaviour without risk of judgements and disciplines so that the person can safely and fully engage in a therapeutic process for their own healing and empowerment.

The Special Time adult may illustrate their companionship and attention with:-

Passive Listening including appropriate eye contact and reassuring physical contact/holding
Active participation through parallel or co-operative modes of interactive play.
Active Listening

This level of listening requires that the verbal responses, tone of voice, facial expression, gestures and body language directly relate to the activity and harmoniously flow alongside the activity and chosen modes of personal expression.

Giving total attention, consciously ‘switching off’ one’s own views, thoughts, desires and opinions, allows the special time adult to present full attention and to be singularly focus on all aspects of listening.

Reflective participation

Auditory reflection may encourage the learner to engage in an on-going process of spontaneous recall and review initiated by reflective verbal feedback.

Vygotsky proposes that ‘specifically human forms of psychological communication are possible because man’s reflection of reality is carried out in generalized concepts’ (Vygotsky,1986:8.)Vygotsky also describes how, when faced with a task that challenges them, children will often engage in a verbal conversation with themselves. (Cited in Hartland,1991:27; Vygotsky,1986:30)

Enriching Language Content

Reflective language may also present to the learner vocabulary and descriptive language that is beyond what may have been present within a solo activity and accompanying verbal interpretation or spoken monologue.

Extending Observing the child’s play and supporting with the provision and organisation of environmental materials and subsequent enriching follow-up activities. Focused Attention on another person’s/child’s activity and communications. When we share play and learning activities together social interaction and creative expression unite to expand the experience beyond anything

Children clearly direct how they wish the adult to participate within their games…….This approach recognises the importance of the egocentric perspective within child initiated play and the potential for the adult to support the child extending into what Vygotsky describes as the child’s Zone of Proximal Development. (Vygotsky, 1986)

Occasional activity related questions This can expand the learners thought processes and encourage exploration, experimentation, consequential analysis and discovery learning.

To ask a question gives the person who presents the question an opportunity to address what they need to help them manage a situation constructively rather than reactively. A question and answer exchange gives both parties an opportunity to share and explore; hopefully this provides those involved with a better understanding of themselves and the other person’s perspective.

Asking a simple empathetic question related to the immediate circumstances can help those involved to relate to the practicalities of the present and thereby avoid abstract fears related to past and future situations. Appropriate and gently presented open-ended questions can illustrate that the question is offering a supportive listening space rather than a judgemental or reactive response. For example: ‘How can I help you?’; ‘What would you like me to do?’; ‘Would you like me to………?’ ‘Is there anything that would be good for me to know about?’; ‘Is there anything that you have not told me?’; ‘How are you feeling?’ ‘What do you feel most uncomfortable about right now/at the moment?’